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Carers Week 2022: What is it like being a carer?

Carers Week (June 6th to June 12th) aims to raise awareness of unpaid carers, to make caring visible, valued and supported. A special thank you to Paula for responding to our call-out for creative writing pieces and sharing her thoughts to help others understand what is is like to be a carer. 

Caring is a full-time, non-stop carousel of love.

Why do we do it? Because we aspire to maintain our loved one’s independence as much as we can do, and to assist in keeping their mental health high – often to the detriment of ours. It is often 24/7 non-stop with very little monetary reward, but regardless of this, we care for our loved ones deeply. It is rooted into our makeup.

Caring is not just for the elderly or children. It often comes at a cost to the person giving the caring, as they usually put themselves last when it is essential to put yourself first. When you put yourself last, it is hard to keep yourself energised and able to cope with all the other ‘things’ that life throws along the way.

Many carers are unpaid too. They are trying to hold down their work commitments, working full or part-time. These incredible people are often mislaid, displaced and not recognised for the marvellous support they give.

I remember caring for my parents and a special needs child, whilst battling ill health myself. At the time I was also studying a garden design course at college. You ride the wave without thinking or blinking, as it is your family and family matters.

At the height of juggling everything, I recall looking out at the lawn front and noting it needed cutting, but as a single mum I knew I could not stretch myself that far. So, with a shrug, I decided to let the grass grow against my better judgement, because I knew it would take a superhuman effort to cut it down once the time became available.

 

What I hadn’t factored in was what came with the long grass… Wildlife and plenty of it. Goldfinches sweeping in and inching up the stems of dandelions to hang upside down and collect and eat the seeds. Their acrobatics allowed me small moments of pleasure in between washing up at the sink. At the far end of the back garden, evening primroses appeared from nowhere looking like a swathe of mellow yellow. In the evening, the petals unfurled and the perfume scented the air, which in turn brought in moths. They beat the air with their wings and my children experienced this joy throughout the toughest time of my life.

This memory lives on in my heart, as does my love at that time. My mother passed in the June, not long after I and the other students on the course had created a show garden. She never got to see it, but despite the long hours, stress, despair and huge fatigue that goes with the territory of caring, I never had any regrets.

Looking back on this period in my life and the new one I find myself in now, still caring for an adult son and now being cared for myself (circle of care) would I have done things differently? No. Somehow, we persevere, survive and thrive with the support from Swindon Carers Centre and those special moments with our family and friends.